


Close the door, Open the window

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Abuse, Cheating, Depression, Domestic Violence, F/M, Fluff, Heartache, Homophobia, Human!Castiel - Freeform, M/M, Religion, Smut, Trauma, Violence, big brother gabe, brain washing, mechanic!Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-22 15:45:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3734413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Milton's life is falling apart. His partner of 12 years, Balthazar, is leaving him for a younger, sexier intern at the hospital where he works. Castiel vows to never fall in love again and starts to search for the pieces of his life. But when a new man steps in, eager and willing to love Castiel past his pain, his resolve starts to shatter. Can he open up his heart again? Can he trust this man to not break him more than he already is? They say when One door closes a window opens. Should Cas jump?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel: 

I crumbled. Everything was happening so fast. Balthazar stood across from me, arms crossed and eyes narrowed into slits. I don't know when he became a stranger to me. But the man standing in front of me, was not my boyfriend. 

"W-what? I don't understand?" I hated how choked off and desperate I sounded. Balthazar rolled his eyes and sighed heavily, as though I annoyed him. 

"Don't act so surprised Castiel. I mean, we've had our fun right? Twelve years of it to be exact. But I want something more. This," he gestured between the two of us with his hand, "this just isn't workings for me anymore." I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. I couldn't believe it. My throat closed up and my vision became blurry. I looked down at my hands, my chest constricted and I took a shaky breath. 

"I can't-" I swallowed, "I can't do this. What am I supposed to do without you Balthazar? Where am I supposed to go?" There was a knock at the door. Balthazar bit his lip, his eyes darting from me to the door. He reached out and patted my hand. I jerked from his touch. 

"Cassy you'll be fine. You were fine before me and you'll be fine after...my date's waiting. Just pack your stuff okay? If you need a ride I left the number to a cab company on the coffee table." He walked over and pecked me on the cheek. His lips were cold and blubbery. I didn't like it at all. 

Once the door was shut I fell on the couch, burying my face in my hands. I sobbed, heart broken and exhausted. I fought so hard to keep us together. I did everything for him....I loved him. 

I sat there for a while, crying and trying to figure out what to do. A million things running through my mind. But the pain stood out the most. After about twenty minutes I reached into my pocket for my phone. I didn't know who I'd call, I'd given up my family and most of my friends for Balthazar. Being gay, was a huge sin in my religious family. And when I chose him I gave up any right I had to call on them for a favor. 

I scrolled through my phone until I stopped in the 'G' section. Gabriel. My brother. I bit my lip. Gabriel's morals were looser and he didn't care that I was gay. I pressed call with shaky fingers, afraid of what more rejection would do to my already aching heart. He picked up on the second ring. 

"G-Gabriel? Yeah. It's Castiel. Listen...."

-0-

"Just like that? He found someone new?" I nodded, taking a large sip of the tea Gabriel made for me. I grimaced, it tasted like straight sugar. Too sweet. Just like him. He reached up and ran his fingers through my hair. I sniffled. 

"He'd said it's been fun. But our relationship had run it's course. He told me to pack up and leave, then he-he," I couldn't finish it. I couldn't believe what was happening to me. "What am I gonna do Gabriel? I gave up everything for him! I gave him my whole life! Twelve years! Twelve years I will never get back." Gabriel tilted my head so I was crying into his shoulder. I reached up and clutched his shirt, like I did as a child. He held me and whispered calming things into my hair, rubbing my shoulder and trying to settle me. A soft wave of nostalgia ran through me. Any time I was hurt or upset, Gabriel was always right there for me. 

"I know it hurts right now little buddy. But it gets easier. Balthazar was never worthy of you. You will find someone...you'll find someone who will give their love for you, love you to the fullest. When it really happens for you Castiel, when you truly fall in love, it'll be one time. And it will be for real." I shook my head, wiping my eyes. 

"No. I'm not opening my heart to anyone ever again. Fuck love. I hate it. I will never fall in love again." Gabriel rolled his eyes at me but I just wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tighter. In my big brother's arms I was safe and loved. I felt myself relaxing. 

"Hey! I'm home-oh," I pulled away from Gabriel and looked up, my eyes were swollen and puffy. Gabriel moved away from me slightly, but kept his arms around me. 

"Hey Dean. Castiel this is my roommate Dean. Dean this is my little brother. He's going to be staying here with us for a while." I tried to smile but I felt my lips twitch and flatten into a line.i remembered Gabe took in a roommate because he couldn't afford to buy a shit ton of candy and his rent. So he'd improvised. Dean looked at me for a moment before nodding. 

"Well any brother of Gabe's is a friend of mine. You're welcome to anything," I tried to say thank you but I couldn't get the words out. He shared a silent look with Gabe before going upstairs. Gabe didn't speak again until we heard a door shut. He turned back to me. 

"Cas this is a new start. You can do anything you want to do now. You just have to pick yourself up and go again. If you don't want love that's fine. But don't reject the idea too harshly. Love tends to find us when we're not looking for it." I rolled my eyes, wincing at the pain in my head. 

"When did you become Dr. Phil?" Gabe chuckled and kissed my head. 

"Come on Cas, I have my moments." He stood up and reached out a hand to me. "I'm glad we have a spare room." 

Dean: 

Gabe's brother slept for two days straight. Only waking to go to the bathroom. I'd never seen anyone look so broken before. So defeated. 

"What happened to him?" I asked Gabe, who was making chocolate chip pancakes, covered in chocolate syrup. Gabe shrugged. 

"Cas had a boyfriend. He gave up everything for the guy and well....said asshole didn't want him anymore." I didn't ask again. The way Gabe snarled the word 'asshole' told me all I needed to know. Cas's said boyfriend was not a nice guy, and Gabe was glad that Cas was no longer with him. 

When I came in that day and I saw him sitting there on the couch, my heart squeezed in my chest. His eyes were red and swollen, a small shiner forming around the rim of his eye for rubbing his knuckles into the skin so hard. He looked like a little kid, lost and afraid. 

I'm not the most sensitive guy on earth, but damn that struck a fucking chord in me. 

-0-

Castiel came down stairs in the afternoon the second day. Gabe had to go to work so that left me, sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and playing a crossword puzzle. Castiel padded into the kitchen quietly, I started when I heard the fridge door open. 

"Oh! Hey," he grunted in response, head in the refrigerator, looking for something. 

"There's nothing to eat." I bit my lip. His voice was a low grovel, probably the sexiest things I'd ever heard. But even I had my boundaries, this was Gabe's brother and he was in pain. I couldn't go after him. 

"No there wouldn't be in the obvious places. Gabe throws out anything that's not sweet, here," I touched his shoulder lightly and he flinched away, as if I'd hit him. He moved out of the way and I opened one of the bottom drawers, pulling out a carton of eggs from under piles of candy. "I'll cook em. Go ahead and sit down." Castiel huffed, crossing his arms. 

"I don't need you to cook for me. I can do it myself," I shrugged, holding the carton out to him. He looked from it to me, a guarded gaze in his eyes. I shook the eggs a little, willing him to take the carton. 

"I'm going to take a shower. Will the be done when I come back downstairs?" He said this through gritted teeth. I felt a little put off, what the hell did I do to the kid? I haven't even said more than maybe a few sentences to him. 

I set the carton on the counter and started going through the cupboards, looking for what I needed. 

"Yeah. It'll be ready. Go." I listened to him stomp out of the kitchen. I didn't know what to do. His entire body language and vibe screamed 'leave me alone.' Whoever his boyfriend had been, he's hurt the kid real bad. 

Castiel:

I left the kitchen feeling more lonely and dejected than before. I woke up, determined that I was going to take care of myself. I'm a thirty year old man for goodness sake! I was going to cook my own meals and wash my own clothes and take care of myself. 

Except I didn't know how. 

I'd never had to do things for myself. Even when I was with Balthazar, he took care of me. 'Just get up in the morning and I'll take it from there.' I worried about nothing. He handled all our issues. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe it really was me. I couldn't depend on myself. I couldn't survive on my own. 

Under the hot spray of the shower I couldn't tell what my tears were and what the water was. So I didn't feel like a complete loser, crying my eyes out. 

I thought about my family, I thought about their objections when I was eighteen. Telling me Balthazar was no good and that he would be my ruin. I was so stupid and they were right. My mind was racing, I'd never felt like such a failure. My heart was hardening, and after the tears came the rage. I'd been betrayed and I would never let that happen again. 

By the time I got back downstairs again I felt better. The ball of emotions that welled up and threatened to burst was a little ball in the pit of my stomach now. A hard little ball that I wouldn't allow anyone else to see. I masked my emotions and stalked back into the kitchen. 

It smelled good, like eggs and bacon and toast, my mouth watered. But my heart stopped when I saw my brother's roommate, standing at the stove, a towel thrown over his shoulder while he tended to the eggs. 

The scene looked so much like something I used to wake up too. 

I shoved the thought down and cleared my throat, letting the other man be aware of my presence. He looked up with a grin. 

"Hey, wanna sit down? I'm almost done." I took a seat at the kitchen table and tapped my fingers against the wood gently. Gabe actually had a really nice looking place. Large living room and kitchen, cozy bedrooms. Yeah, Gabe was doing well for being the second half of the failures in the family. 

A plate of food was pushed across the table to me. Sizzling bacon and crisp golden scrambled eggs. Gabe's roommate set out two glasses and orange juice. I smiled softly at the sentiments. 

"Well God finally," I looked up at the man confused, he grinned at me as he sat down, handing me a knife and a fork. "I thought you weren't able to smile." I rolled my eyes and stabbed my eggs with the fork. They were pretty good, fluffy and easy to chew. 

"I can smile. Just don't have any reason too." I looked at the man-Dean, yes his name was Dean. Dean pursed his lips, a crease formed in his eyebrow as though he were concentrating hard on something. 

I was just about to ask for ketchup when he spoke. 

"You're alive aren't you?" I looked at him. Unsure if I heard him right. 

"Pardon?" He turned his head back to me, green eyes glowing. I studied his face. He had freckles, they danced across his nose and up under his eyes, long thick eyelashes that curled upward over pretty green eyes. And a beautiful, very kissable set of pink lips, that he licked before continuing.

"I gave...ahem...I gave up everything for my little brother. Our parents died in a car accident and I had to drop out of school for Sam....I felt so low. Like my life was never going to get better...I stopped smiling too....But then I realized, life's too short to dwell on the losses. Look at the good things and make good things happen. Being alive, is more than enough reason to smile. Because this evening isn't promised to you or to me." 

I was stunned. I didn't even know this guy. I swallowed the bile in my throat hard and looked down at my plate. 

"When is Gabe coming home?" I saw him shake his head out of the corner of my eye. 

"Tonight." I nodded and finished my food in silence. Dean took my plate before I could protest and dumped it into the sink.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean:

"Need some help with that?" I looked over my shoulder to see Castiel standing shyly in the kitchen doorway. I smiled and tilted my head, pushing the faucet to the rinse side of the sink so he could help me.

"Sure, come on."

Cas had been staying with Gabe and me for a month now. And in that time is barely scratched the surface of him. He came up and turned on the water, grabbing one of the pots with soapy suds on it and running it under the water. I smiled, happy with his progress.

When Cas first started out it'd been a disaster. I took me only about an hour or so after our awkward breakfast that first day to realize he had no idea what to do.

_“Do you wanna help me with the dishes?” I threw the question out as I took the dishes to the sink. Castiel was quiet for a moment and I almost thought I’d only asked it in my head._

__

_“No I...I don’t know how to.” I snorted, turning to him with a bemused expression on my face._

__

_“You don’t know how to do the dishes?” Castiel’s ears turned pink and he rubbed the back of his neck flustered. My grin fell, “Wait, you really never did the dishes before?” Castiel’s head snapped towards me, his blue eyes fixed in a glare and brimming with tears. Oh shit. I groaned inwardly._

__

_“No! I don’t know how to do any of this shit!” he stood up, slamming his fist down on the table, the glass of juice in front of him slopped and spilled over the side. “I’ve never had to do anything like this before okay! I know how pathetic that sounds! I know how stupid I am okay!” my hands were raised instinctively at his outburst. A tear slid down his cheek and he didn’t even move to wipe it. His shoulders shook and his breath was ragged. He looked….humiliated. “I just….I wanna be independant….”_

__

_“Hey,” I moved slowly, not wanting to startle him. He didn’t flinch when I reached out and touched his shoulder. Instead he sniffled, reaching up and wiping his nose. “It’s okay Cas...We’ll take it one step at a time alright. Come on,” I pulled him over to the sink, when I let go of his arm he stood quietly, eyes to the floor and fingers twitching at his sides. “Hey look. I’m gonna show you. It’s easy.” Cas looked up through his eyelashes and watched me turn on the water. “This one’s hot and this one’s cold. You wash dishes with hot water, but make sure there’s a little cold water in there so you don’t burn your fingers.” I motioned to Cas and he hesitantly turned the knobs, I handed him the dish soap…._

“Have you found a job yet?” Cas shook his head, wiping off the forks and spoons in the bottom of the sink and setting them in the strainer. We’d grown into pretty good friends over the course of the month. Gabe was happy we were getting along and proud of Cas for taking the initiative to learn. I taught Cas how to fold clothes and make different meals and wash dishes (of course) now we were looking for a job.

“Not yet, I barely know how to do anything. But I’m still looking,” I nudged him playfully.

“Good. Proud of you Cas,” he chuckled, his eyes warming up and a grin spreading across his face. He was so beautiful. But there were still boundaries. Cas didn’t want love, and I wouldn’t force myself on him, so I had to settle for being his friend. He looked away from me, putting the last of the silverware away.

“I saw Balthazar and Samandriel while I was buying the stuff for dinner.” his voice was quieter, closed off, the way it always was when he talked about Balthazar. He told me a little about it, about him, I didn’t like the guy. But I had to be open minded. Cas was still hurt and I couldn’t be harsh.

“Yeah?” we left the kitchen, opting to talk this out in the living room. Cas curled up on the couch, tucking his feet up under himself and resting his chin in his hand. I sat in the recliner I’d brought from my old place. The rent had gotten to high there, and when Gabe offered to share a place with me I’d jumped at the opportunity.

“...Yeah I didn’t...It didn’t hurt as bad as it would have before,” _good_. Balthazar had hurt Castiel badly. Enough so that the first week he’d been with me and Gabriel he didn’t leave the house. He barely ate and slept quite a bit. But with time and a little laughter (mostly on Gabe’s part) he started to smile, his skin brightened and he looked happy. Cas smiled down at his knees, “I even said hi..” I raised my eyebrow at him.

“Did you now? What’d he say?” Cas broke into a genuine grin.

“He looked like he shit himself,” we laughed, Cas’s laugh was like bells, light and pretty, his laugh was what perfection sounded like. He sighed, “It was the greatest revenge. Better than any torture I could imagine for him you know? To show him that I have moved on.”

“Are you happy?”

Castiel:

“Are you happy?” I looked up at Dean, his green eyes locked on mine and held my gaze. The familiar butterflies I was becoming accustomed to fluttered in my stomach.Dean and I had become close, Gabe worked a lot and Dean owned his own mechanic shop in town so he could come and go as he pleased. We spent a lot of time together. I even told Gabe that dean was the best friend I’d ever had. But  I didn’t really know what to say when he asked me if I was happy. Was I? I bit my lip in thought, and watched his eyes flicker from my lips and back to my eyes. I knew he liked me and that he had for a while, but I locked my heart up and I refused to hand out the key.

“I don’t know,” I finally said. “I wanna be but….it’s complicated,” Dean’s eyes faltered, a look of sadness crossing his face before that mask of calm was back. I felt horrible. I did like him, at least a little bit, but I needed to be whole on my own. I didn’t need a man to take care of me. I needed to take care of myself, and love myself.

“Cas I….Cas you know I care about you right? You’re my friend,” I nodded, dropping my eyes to the clock by the television. Gabriel would be home in a half an hour. “You know I wouldn’t hurt you…” his words haunted me, an echo from the past.

__

_“I won’t hurt you Cassy. I love you,” I nuzzled Balthazar as he ran his fingers through my hair, planting little kisses on the crown of my head. I held onto him tightly, sobbing into his shirt. My Uncle and brothers had just kicked me out because I wouldn’t leave Balthazar. He was all I had left. “Cassy look at me,” he cupped my face in his hands, tilting my chin up. He traced my lips with the tip of his thumb. “I love you Cassy. There will never be another. You’re perfect.” his lips were soft and warm against mine-_

“Cas?” I shook my head, coming back to the present. Dean was waiting on my answer. I felt my hands tremble, the memory of Balthazar on my mind. I licked my lips and shifted slightly.

“Dean I’m not ready to…”

“I’m not asking you to marry me.”

“..trust you just yet.” we spoke at once, our words running over each other. When I finished Dean was looking at me with an unreadable expression. His shirt sleeves were rolled up and his muscles flexed as he sat forward, moving closer to my space.

“Cas I know it’s easier not to trust someone. I know it’s the less painful route, the easier one, but just this once can you say yes? Because I wouldnt. I would never hurt you or disrespect you or jeopardize our friendship. I’m proud of how far you’ve come and how far you’re willing to go. Cas I’m proud of you.” my heart wasn’t racing. Not like it had with Balthazar. Dean didn’t make me nervous, not at all. It was the opposite, I felt relaxed, calmed by his presence. He reached out and stroked my knuckles with his thumb. I looked down at his hand over mine. I chewed my bottom lip nervously. “Stop that,” Dean snapped. I let go of my lip immediately.

“Why?” Dean had moved closer and was inches from my face, his breath fanned over me and he smelled of aftershave and whiskey. It was glorious, as much as I hated to admit it. His tongue darted out to wet his lips as he reached up to stroke my cheek with the back of his hand.

“Because then I’d….I’d have to do this,” my eyes fluttered closed as he leaned forward, and pressed his lips to mine, softly, gently, and unsure.

I could see it behind my eyes. It played out like a movie, dancing across my eyelids and making my heart swell with excitement as Dean kept his lips closed but pressed against mine. I saw us together, laughing and kissing, holding onto one another and happy. I saw us with children, a beautiful boy and an adorable little girl, running around and smiling up at their daddies. I saw us as old men on a porch watching our children and grandchildren play and have fun. I saw it all in a matter of seconds. It was the same dream I had with Balthazar.

My eyes snapped open and I pulled away from Dean. He opened his eyes as well, pupils dilated and something I feared, glistening in his eyes. An emotion I didn’t want to feel or know again.

“Cas I’m sorry!” Dean shouted at me as I hurried to my room, slamming and locking the door behind me.

Dean:

I felt so stupid. I made a move on him, on Cas! I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to shake the feeling of his lips against mine out of my head. it had felt so right. He felt so perfect.

I’ve never been in love. So I didn’t know what to expect or how to feel. I just wanted to give him everything. I wanted him to rest at ease and stop beating himself up because some prick didn’t give a rats ass about him. I was angry and I was jealous that Balthazar still owned Cas’s heart and Cas wouldn’t let me in.

I picked up my phone and decided to call my little brother Sammy. Granted he was probably having dinner with his wife, Jess, but I needed him. I felt so confused.

“Hello?” I instantly felt more grounded hearing his voice.

“Hey Sammy...listen….”

Castiel:

There was a soft knock on the door and Gabe poked his head through. I was curled up on my bed, hugging a pillow and watching a movie. No romantic comedies or dramas. I needed something scary and gory, so that’s what I settled on. Gabe sat down next to me on the bed and pulled me into his arms. I leaned against him and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to his side. It reminded me of when I was little, and Uncle Zach would punish me.

__

_I was crying in the corner, curled up in a ball and sobbing into my knees. I accidently broke Uncle Zach’s favorite glass and he whooped my bare bottom with a belt. It was sore and it hurt so bad I could have sworn it was bleeding._

__

_“Cas?” I didn’t lift my head, I knew it was Gabriel. He knelt down beside me and put his arms around me. “Cas it’s okay. Remember it goes away after a while.” I sniffled, sobs bubbling up from my throat._

__

_“B-but it hurts,” I turned my face into my ten year old brother’s shirt. He rocked me softly, making cooing noises in my ear._

__

_“It’ll be over Cas. Shh.”_

“Cas what are you doing?” I looked up to see Gabe watching me with big wise eyes. He was a trickster and he loved his sweets and his pranks, but he was wise, wise beyond his years. I looked at him with confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“With Dean,” I stiffened, the memory of that morning running through my mind. I sat up, pulling away from Gabe. “Why are you fighting this so hard.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he scoffed, turning to face me completely,I leaned back against the headboard of my bed, hoping to look as calm and cool as I could, cuz I damn sure didn’t feel that way.

“I’m not an idiot Cas. I see the way you look at each other. You watch his every move like a hawk Cas and you’re always in his space-”

“He’s teaching me how to take care of myself. That’s all. I don’t have time for-”

“He’s not Balthazar!” my mouth snapped shut and my eyes narrowed. “You can’t live your life making every man you meet pay for that asshat’s mistakes. Dean likes you, and it’s obvious you like him too. Why are you fighting so hard? What’s so wrong with wanting Dean?”

“Everything!” I stood up, my hands balled into fists. “Everything okay!? Because my heart can’t take more heartbreak. Because I can’t handle him getting tired of me and throwing me away one day. I would rather die alone than fall in love and lose it all over again!” I glared at Gabe, eyes narrowed and mouth hanging open to breathe. He almost said something to me when my phone rang. I turned, abruptly ending our conversation and answered it.

My heart jumped into my throat and the phone slipped from my hand.

Dean:

“This couldn’t wait Dean?” I smiled, I could see him rolling his eyes on the other end of the line.

“Nah man this is important….how….How did you ask Jess out? How did you get her to trust you?”

“Where did that come from? What happened Dean-”

“Humor me.” Sam was quiet, I waited impatiently, drumming my fingers against my thigh. Finally Sam cleared his throat.

“I was there for her. When her ex dumped her and left her like she was nothing I picked her up and helped her move on. I was there for her. Dean….If you’re trying to date someone, don’t push yourself on them. Just be there. be the friend they always wanted and never had. Give them time to fall in love with you. If it’s meant to be it’ll happen.” I let sammy’s words sink in. My eyes flickered to the stairs. Cas hadn’t come out of his room yet and Gabe had gone up to talk to him a little while ago. Maybe there would be time to apologize.

“Thanks Sammy….Love you man.” he chuckled on the other end.

“Love you too...Jess says don’t call during dinner next time.” I was hanging up the phone when Cas came flying down stairs, Gabe hot on his trail. Cas threw his jacket on and clumsily stepped into his shoes. I’d never seen him so distressed before. He left without another word. I turned to Gabe, who was running his hand over his face, he let out an exasperated sigh.

“What happened?” He looked at me with sad eyes.

  
“Balthazar got shot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you guys think so far? Too fast? Too slow? I think I'm a terrible writer actually, lease let me know though :)

**Author's Note:**

> I liked this idea. A friend gave it too me. I think this will be a short fic, five chapters at least. But we'll see. Please let me know what you think. Comments and feedback appreciated!


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